But I Love Her
by rainbowlife
Summary: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – COther then CO
1. Chapter 1

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: This chapter, and probably a few more, may throw you for a bit of a loop, but I promise there is C/O around here somewhere lol Please stick with me and if you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Shout Outs: As always – my new favorite place on the web, Softball and Sex Crimes Forum. Stop by if you love Casey. Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks:)

Chapter 1

Careful not to cut herself, Casey knelt in her knee-length skirt to pick up the shards of glass littering her apartment's carpet. The bouquet had scattered the moment the vase left the small table, an explosion of brightly colored flowers landing in the entrance to the hallway. The vase didn't get quite as far, landing less than a foot away from the leg of the table, pieces of glass fanning out in all directions. Standing up with a hand full of the largest pieces, she walked over to the kitchen trashcan to throw the glass away. She walked back over to the hallway to collect the fallen roses. Inhaling their sweet scent, she remembered the evening Bailey had brought them home. A disappointing day in court had turned into an evening of flowers and dinner in Time Square. The memory clinging to her mind, she placed the flowers in the sink with plans to find a make-shift vase for their protection. The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. Getting out the vacuum cleaner to sweep up the smallest slivers of glass, she pushed the fight to the back of her mind and turned on the loud machine.

Ten minutes later, the vacuum cleaner was returned to the closet and Casey released her feet from the confines of her black pumps. Grabbing her briefcase, she walked over to the table and sat down, pulling out a file and legal pad. Attempting to shake the sound of glass breaking from her mind, she began reading through the file, going over testimonies and background information on their latest suspects. Down the hall, she heard the bedroom door open and then the bathroom door shut. Trying not to think about the woman in the bathroom, Casey continued with her work, writing down things to cross-reference and specific people to call while at the office the next day. It would be a long day at the SVU squad room, so she didn't have much time in the morning at her office.

When the bathroom door opened again, Casey could hear bare feet padding down the hall toward the open area where she was currently sitting. The footsteps stopped a few feet from the table and after a few seconds Casey put down her pen and looked up at her girlfriend. The woman was beautiful in a simple skin-tight tank top and pajama pants. Hair not quite long enough to touch her shoulders remained damp from the shower she had taken less than an hour ago. It was part of her routine post-fighting, as was her reclusive time in their bedroom. Her tall, thin frame held all the poise and confidence of a boarding school brat-turned-lawyer and her eyes spoke volumes.

"Casey," she said softly, her French accent delicate in the silence. "Mi amour, I'm sorry." The Assistant District Attorney stood up from her chair and walked over to Bailey, the taller woman embracing her. Casey attempted to hold back tears stemmed from exhaustion and fear and just clung to her girlfriend. "Perhaps we should go to bed," she suggested, rubbing Casey's back lovingly. Feeling her nod, Bailey pulled back and wrapped an arm around Casey's waist, leading her to their bedroom, turning off the kitchen light as they entered the hallway.

The next morning, Casey woke up to the obnoxious buzzing of their alarm clock. She struggled to open her eyes, the previous night's exhaustion pouring over into the new day. With only one eye open, she slid her arm out from under the comforter to hit the snooze button, sending the room back into silence. Pressed firmly against her side, a leg draped across her own, Bailey shifted and tightened the arm holding Casey to her. Placing a soft kiss to the corner of Bailey's mouth, Casey gracefully untangled herself and slid out of their bed to take a shower.

Once under the hot spray of water, Casey closed her eyes, grateful for the water pressure against her tense back. The current case weighed heavily on her mind, pictures of the domestic violence victim imprinted on her brain, at least until the next one replaced it. The fruity scent of her shampoo provided a stark contrast to the smell of the coffee Bailey had begun brewing. Once she had finished washing her hair, she grabbed the body wash and applied a generous amount to the blue loofa hanging from the shower head. While covering her body with the soapy suds, she noticed a bruise, the width of two fingers and just as long, on her hip. She made a confused noise and convinced herself she must have run into her desk at work and forgotten about it.

Finishing her shower, she stepped out from behind the curtain and ran the soft towel over her body and through her hair. Wrapping it modestly around her body, she exited the bathroom to allow her girlfriend to take a shower. Bailey greeted her in their bedroom with her favorite lime green mug held out to her, filled to the brim with hot coffee. "Thank you," Casey said, her voice filled with relief.

"Good morning," Bailey said, placing a hand on Casey's bare arm. Before Casey took a sip of the black liquid, Bailey leaned forward and captured her lips in a soft, yet passionate kiss. Casey returned in kind, her mind hardly registering enough to remember not to drop the cup of coffee. They pulled apart and Casey was entranced by Bailey's smile, a feature which got Bailey everything everywhere from everyone. Casey felt herself the luckiest woman in the world to have Bailey in love with her, eyes only for her. "I'll be ready to leave in thirty minutes," she said over her shoulder, walking into the bathroom.

Placing the mug on her dresser, Casey went to their closet to find something to wear. Laundry had to be done this weekend or next week's wardrobe will be reduced to sweat pants or an old bride's maid dress from two years ago. Pulling out a pressed pair of black slacks, she tried to find a nice shirt to wear with it. Spending an entire day at SVU allowed her to get away with not wearing a suit jacket.

Dressing between sips of coffee, she stood in front of the full-length mirror, priding herself in being able to pull off a decent outfit with the "leftovers" from her usually full wardrobe. She was busy running her fingers through her hair, trying to get it to air dry so they could leave on time, when Bailey emerged from the bathroom wearing a similar towel to the one Casey had been wearing.

Her clothing was already laid out on the bed and she walked over, beginning to dress. Just as Casey had given up on her hair and turned away from the mirror, Bailey hooked her bra into place and dropped her shoulders, a disappointed look crossing her face. "Your shirt looks a little tight," Bailey said, disappointment turning into concern. "Maybe we should stay in tonight and make a salad."

Casey's eyes widened slightly and looked down at her body. Turning back to the mirror, she examined the shirt, idly wondering if she had bought a size too small. But it didn't look too small. Bailey picked up her shirt and buttoned it, covering her flawless body, the shirt obviously cost a pretty penny and the jacket she covered it with could easily be twice or three times as much. "You think it's the wrong size? I never wear this shirt," Casey said, unable to tear her eyes from the mirror.

"No, I think it's the right size, I just think your recent stress is settling at your stomach. No one will notice." She turned from the bed and walked over to the dresser to chose a set of earrings to wear. "Are you ready to go?"

Casey sighed and with one last painful glance in the mirror turned to her girlfriend. "Yeah, let's get going."

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to everyone, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	2. Chapter 2

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Shout Outs: As always – my new favorite place on the web, Softball and Sex Crimes Forum. Stop by if you love Casey. Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks:)

Chapter 2

Adrenaline pulsed through her veins, infusing her body with confidence and attitude. Her heels clicked on the hardwood floor as she paced back and forth in front of the defendant and the judge. It was her tactic of attempting to unnerve the person on the stand, though she couldn't say she invented it. Every few minutes, she waved her arms around, accenting a word or a concept. It was a habit to "speak with her hands" and it was a skill she was grateful for having.

Everything within the court room felt like a play. The jurors and audience merely extras, while she was the principle in the climaxing Court scene. It was a play without a script and sometimes she won, sometimes she didn't, sometimes a man put an officer's gun to her head to accent his own point. She was more fond of hand gesturing. In closing arguments, she got to show off her monologue, the success of which is determined by juror's statement of guilt or innocence.

No matter how sure she was of a case, the adrenaline was there and the crime theatre was in full force. This particular case did not hold the same level of confidence or certainty that she liked to have when facing a Judge and Jury. The man on trial had raped and killed two of his previous wives and left the one he currently wore a ring for in the hospital recovering from a vicious rape and preparing for a future of physical therapy to try to walk again. For whatever reason, the perfect evidence and clues have been less than available, leading to Casey having to do extra work to keep this murderer behind bars. In the back of her mind, she was still fuming over Fin's inability to follow procedure, leading to the one piece of evidence that could hold water in Court being thrown out by the Judge.

Once she finished her monologue, the defense attorney stood and worked his own acting skills to defend his client. Casey listened intently, trying to keep her persistent smile and sarcastic response from entering reality. She felt nothing less than annoyance for the man. She kept one eye on the attorney and one on the Jury. She cringed when she saw a few nodding in agreement to the lies being produced by the speaker, but silently cheered whenever a Juror seemed uncomfortable by what the attorney was saying.

The defense attorney ended his speech and the recess was called so the jury could decide the fate of the defendant. Casey packed up her briefcase and smiled seeing Olivia and Elliot standing from their seats in the front row. "Who's sticking around to hear the verdict?" she asked.

Elliot laughed. "I have to get back to the station."

"I'll wait with you," Olivia responded.

"Have fun. Call me with the verdict?" Elliot requested in Olivia's direction. She nodded and with a wave of his hand, he left the two women at the front of the court room.

Just as Olivia opened her mouth to speak, a woman with a beautiful French accent appeared next to them saying Casey's name. Shock appeared briefly on Casey's face, then disappeared. "Bailey, what are you doing here?" she asked.

Bailey smiled. "I saw you were in Court this morning and just had to see you in action." Their eyes met for a few, intense seconds, before Bailey broke the contact and turned to Olivia, sticking her hand out. "Hi, I'm Bailey Morgan."

Olivia shook the offered hand. "Detective Olivia Benson."

"Oh, so you're the famous Olivia Benson." Olivia glanced over at Casey who was staring at Bailey with a mixture of confusion and fear on her face. "They say you're the glue that holds Manhattan SVU together."

"I don't know about that," Olivia said, blushing. The woman in front of her was oddly riveting. Desperate to move the subject away from her, she asked, "So how do you know Casey?"

Bailey smiled. "Oh, we go way back, don't we, Case? We worked white collar together. I have my own practice now." Olivia watched them with a detective's gaze and it made Casey suddenly feel uncomfortable.

"Wow. Are you working a case right now?"

"Nothing major. I had to stop by to see someone and thought I'd come and see how Casey was doing with Special Victims," she said, turning back to Casey.

"It's going well, thanks. Listen, who knows how long it'll take them to declare a verdict – do you want to meet up for coffee later and catch up?" Casey's eyes pleaded for Bailey to leave, the awkwardness between her love for Bailey and the fact that she was lying to her best friend becoming too much for her.

Bailey's smile made her stomach flip. "Of course. Give me a call after your verdict and I'll meet you at your office – we'll go from there."

Casey forced a smile. "Sounds great."

"Olivia, it was so great to meet you."

"You, too." Bailey walked away and Olivia turned back to Casey. "You never mentioned her before."

Casey started to walk out of the court room, Olivia keeping in sync, and responded, "She's no one special, just someone I once knew."

Casey returned to her office, defeat resting heavily on her shoulders. Placing her briefcase on her desk, she walked over to the counter-top where she kept water and glasses and poured herself a drink. She hadn't been in her office for more than two minutes before Bailey appeared, walking into Casey's office and shutting the door.

"How'd it go," she asked.

Casey put the glass on the counter and turned, holding back the frustrated tears threatening to fall. "I lost." Bailey made a sad, concerned face, but didn't move to comfort her girlfriend. "It seemed like such a good possibility we'd win, I just – I don't know what happened."

"You just need to put more work into it," Bailey said in a comforting tone. The comment stung, but Casey brushed it off. "White collar is much better – domestic violence cases never turn out well. It's almost guaranteed the woman deserved whatever happened because she pushed the wrong buttons. If you were in private practice, you wouldn't be at the mercy of Branch, SVU, and the destroyed women of society."

"Bailey, I love my job…"

Elliot walked up to Casey's door, about to open it further to make sure she knew she had done her best, when he heard an unfamiliar voice. He waited, not wanting to interrupt anything.

"But, Baby, do you think you're going to be able to keep it if you keep losing like this?" Casey stood and stared at Bailey, processing what her girlfriend was saying.

All the frustration and fear and self-loathing came together to boil to the surface in the direction of her girlfriend. "Fuck you, Bailey!"

Before she could blink, Casey felt Bailey's palm meet with her cheek, the sound of the slap ringing through her office. Casey's hand immediately flew up to cover the reddening skin, her eyes wide and locked with Bailey's hollow stare. Bailey moved in close, Casey's eyes inadvertently avoiding the intense stare. "Don't EVER talk back to me. What the hell do you think you would do without me? You think anyone would love you? You're a failure and you should be lucky I stick around."

Elliot's shock wore off and he pushed the door open, seeing the strange woman standing close to Casey, one of the ADA's wrists in her hand. "What the hell is going on here?" Bailey took another second to stand threateningly close to Casey before letting go of her wrist and stepping back. Smoothing out her shirt, she turned on her heels and walked past Elliot to leave Casey's office. "Whoa! Where do you think you're going? You just assaulted an Assistant District Attorney!" Elliot exclaimed.

"Elliot, just let her go," Casey said a little louder than a whisper. Without a word, Bailey smiled and exited Casey's office.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked, trying to figure out why he had just let that woman leave.

"Leave it alone, El, it's not your problem to deal with."

"She hit you! I should be arresting her for assault."

Casey began to get irritated and started packing up her belongings. "Not if I don't press charges." Picking up her brief case and walking over to Elliot, she looked him in the eye. "If you tell anyone about this, even Liv, I'll never forgive you." Elliot saw the pain in Casey's eyes, but was ushered out of her office and the moment she shut and locked her door, she walked away from him, leaving him baffled and confused.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to everyone, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	3. Chapter 3

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

**Also, this chapter in particular involves many things some may find disturbing or too emotional a subject to read – feel free to skip the end if it's too painful for you, I know how tough of a subject this is; it's the hardest thing I've had to write. I wouldn't write it if I didn't feel it moves the plot – please stick with me through this.**

Shout Outs: As always – my new favorite place on the web, Softball and Sex Crimes Forum. Stop by if you love Casey. Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks:)

Chapter 3

The offensive alarm of the clock forced Casey to open her eyes. Untangling herself from her still-sleeping girlfriend, she reached over to silence the buzzing noise. Before she could climb out of bed, a strong, slender arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her to the woman whose eyes were still closed. Casey smiled at the close contact, melting into the soft touch.

"It's early," Bailey said softly, her accent thick and laced with sleep.

"Not that early," Casey responded. "I need to get ready for work."

Bailey stretched, tightening her arm around Casey. She rubbed one of her legs against Casey's gently, moving her head closer to Casey's. "Play hooky with me today," she asked placing a kiss to the spot just below Casey's ear. "At least for a few hours?" she added suggestively, her hand traveling up Casey's stomach.

Casey found it difficult to hide her smile. She turned her head and met her girlfriend's lips with her own. Arms ran down the backs of both women laying in bed as the kiss deepened. Bailey brought one hand up to Casey's cheek, running her fingers across the soft skin of her lover and tangling her hand in the fire-red hair. Tongues fought as the kiss grew from loving to passionate. Bailey pressed herself against Casey's body, causing the ADA to roll over onto her back and Bailey placing her legs on either side of Casey's body. Naked body moved against naked body, the room silent except for the sounds of heavily breathing.

Casey placed her hands on her girlfriend's hips, running her hands up and down her body as she kissed her neck and collar. A moan escaped Casey's lips as Bailey's lips moved down her body. Placing her hand under her chin, Casey brought Bailey's mouth back to hers and they kissed hungrily, desperate to feel each other in every way possible.

The sound of a cell phone ringing brought them crashing back down to earth. The moment they stilled, the particular ring tone made Bailey drop her shoulders and sat up. "Merde," she muttered. Casey arched her back, attempting to regain the contact that was lost by Bailey's movement. Reaching over to her bedside table, Bailey looked at the blinking cell phone, "I have to take this." She took a deep breath, before answering it.

Casey tuned out the conversation, hoping it would end and they could continue what they were doing. After a minute or two of conversation, Bailey climbed off of Casey and then off the bed, walking out of their bedroom nude. Knowing she would be on the phone for a while, Casey ran a hand over her face, then got up and walked into the bathroom to shower.

Casey paid the cabbie and stepped out onto the sidewalk, immediately spotting her friend at a table in the fenced-in area in front of the restaurant. She approached Olivia with a smile, the older woman putting down her menu to greet her friend. The sun's rays bounced off the iron-cast chair as Casey moved it to sit down. They exchanged pleasantries as she settled in.

"You know," Olivia started, "I could have picked you up at your office."

Casey laughed and picked up a menu. "Don't worry about it. How're you? How's the squad?"

"Good, good. Munch stubbed his toe on his desk this morning, so that's been fun to be around. He's such a baby sometimes." Casey laughed while nodding her agreement. "How're things at the office?"

Casey shrugged. "Fine. Luckily Branch didn't chew me out for my loss yesterday."

"You did everything you could." Before she could continue, the waiter arrived and took their orders, Casey ordering a coffee in addition to the water already at the table. Once they had ordered and the waiter hurried off, Olivia leaned forward. "Casey, don't punish yourself for what happened. I've talked to Trish and she understands what happened – no one blames you."

Bailey's comment about domestic violence popped into her head, but Casey pushed it aside. "I can't get the pictures out of my head," she said instead.

Leaning back, Olivia nodded her understanding. "She should have had a support system to turn to – maybe she could have gotten out before it escalated to this. You'd think friends or co-workers would have noticed something was different."

Casey fidgeted with the napkin, her gaze locked on nothing, yet unmoving. "Maybe he did things that didn't show. Changes in her behavior could have been attributed to stress. She said she really loved him – his abuse probably felt like love. Well, until now."

Olivia watched Casey closely, wondering why the ADA seemed so uncomfortable. "Are you alright?" Casey's eyes shot up and met Olivia's as she put the napkin on the table, telling herself to be still.

"I'm fine. The DV cases always get to me."

Olivia, not feeling convinced, opened her mouth only to be interrupted by the arrival of their lunches. A club sandwich with kettle chips for Olivia while Casey was given a half-sized house salad. Olivia was surprised by how small it was and watched Casey pour a miniscule amount of dressing over the lettuce. "Do you want some of my sandwich?" Olivia asked. "That doesn't look like much."

"Oh – no, that's alright. I had a lot for breakfast, so this is fine. I don't want to eat all my calories in one meal," she added with a laugh.

"Okay," Olivia said, taking a bite of her sandwich. Since when did Casey count calories? Plus, she never eats breakfast. If she does, it's nothing more than an apple or banana. Olivia's skills as a detective demanded she ask Casey questions and figure out what was going on, but part of her told her to be a friend and give her space.

Swallowing the bite of salad she was munching on, Casey forced the conversation away from herself. "I love that shirt, where'd you get it?"

Olivia, respecting Casey's desire to change the subject, began to regale her with a story of shopping at a mall with Elliot on their lunch break a week ago. While talking about a snotty sales woman, Casey began to relax, enjoying her friend's story.

Across the street, Bailey walked up to the front door of the coffee shop. She turned, looking to see if her chain-smoking client was outside enjoying his nicotine when her eyes froze on the outdoor dining across the street. Fork in hand and a large smile plastered on her face, Casey looked to be enjoying herself sitting with Olivia Benson.

Bailey's heart began to race, her mind spinning with anger and betrayal. Her girlfriend was cheating on her. Bailey heard her name and forced down her hatred to smile at her client. "Mr. Danals – it's great to see you." Opening the door, she gestured to the coffee shop, "Shall we?"

Casey stepped into her apartment building attempting to work out her stress by rolling her neck. Her briefcase included six new files for her review, the stress causing it to seem heavier than it really was.

A few minutes later, Casey had her apartment door unlocked and she stepped into the dark living space. Frowning her confusion, she shut the door behind her and put down her briefcase. Slipping out of her pumps, she began a search of her apartment for her lover.

"Bailey? Are you here?" No response. Making her way into the bedroom, she noticed the balcony door was open slightly. She walked over, opening the door more, and saw her girlfriend, cigarette in one hand, tumbler in the other, staring over the edge. "Bailey?"

The woman leaning on the ledge turned and her steely-hard gaze froze Casey to her spot by the door. In an extremely slow movement, Bailey lifted the cigarette to her lips and took a long drag, the elegance of the movement hypnotizing Casey. Once she exhaled the smoke, she threw the butt on the ground, putting it out with her stiletto heel.

"How was your day?" Bailey asked coolly, her body rigid.

"Fine," Casey said carefully, Bailey's mood worrying her. "Yours?"

"Not too bad – did you enjoy your lunch with Olivia this afternoon?"

Casey tilted her head in confusion. "How did you –"

Bailey could barely contain her smile. "I saw you having lunch with her."

"Yeah, we met for lunch and –"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Casey stood in the door way, her body framed by the soft light of their bedroom. "Because it was just lunch. With Olivia."

Bailey tipped her head back and finished her drink. She paused for a beat before walking back toward the door, forcing Casey back into their bedroom. She walked over to a bottle to pour more of the clear liquid into her glass.

"You know she doesn't love you, right?" Bailey sneered. "If you think you'll be able to live without me, you're wrong. No one will ever love you except me."

"Bailey, I'm not –"

"Stop lying to me. I saw you with her."

Casey felt like she walked into the twilight zone. "I love you, Bailey, please –"

"Did you think I wouldn't figure it out?!" Bailey threw her tumbler against the wall, glass falling to the floor and bedspread, vodka running down the wall. Casey stood huddled against the dresser, her eyes filling with tears.

Casey turned her face into the wooden structure as Bailey stumbled toward her. Bailey grabbed her hair, jerking her head so their eyes met. Bringing her face close to Casey's, she said, "I own you. You're mine. Without me, you're nothing. I'm the only one who accepts your lifestyle. Do you really think Branch is going to keep a dyke around?" Her arm began to shake with anger and that emotion exploded with Bailey slamming Casey's head against the dresser. Releasing Casey's hair, she took a step back.

Stunned by Bailey's action, Casey slid to the floor, her tears falling without warning. Her body shook as her head began to throb. It was as though she had left her body, her soul watching the broken woman pull her knees to her chin while Bailey paced around the room.

In a barely audible voice, Casey attempted to reaffirm Bailey's love to herself. Her soul broke more and more with each repetition of the mantra. Bailey stopped and stared at Casey whose tears were the only sound in the room. "Get up," she said, her voice filled with disdain. Casey struggled to raise her numb body, her soul returning in time to feel the vice grip of Bailey's hand around her arm.

Once Casey was standing, Bailey leaned in, kissing Casey's cheek. Her lips lingered and Casey shut her eyes, relishing in the sudden affection. "I can smell her on you, whore!" Before Casey could open her eyes, she felt her body being shoved across the room to land on their bed, a sharp pain shooting through her arm. Her world was spinning as she flipped onto her back.

Bailey stood over her, then leaned in, placing her hands on either side of her face. "I – I don't – don't know - why – why are you – doing this?" Casey choked out, unable to figure out what was going on. The taste of blood was overwhelming.

Bailey leaned on her left hand while she delicately ran her right hand down Casey's cheek, down her neck, in between her breasts, and stilled at the waist band of her black pants. Casey's breathing became more erratic with each passing second. "Does she touch you," Bailey started, slipping her hand under Casey's shirt, "like I do?" Casey shook her head, but the answer was ignored.

"Bailey, stop," Casey whispered.

"You are my girlfriend – I don't have to stop." Bailey continued to travel Casey's body, except this time Casey tried to fight back. Her exhaustion and previous hit to the head made her easy to over-power. Bailey ripped her shirt sending buttons flying across the room.

Casey screamed out as loud as she could, but that only fueled Bailey's flame. Casey heard a zipper being opened and new tears cascaded down her cheeks when she felt Bailey's hand on her thigh. "Please don't," Casey begged.

Ignoring Casey's pleas, Bailey digitally penetrated her, causing Casey to scream even louder. Sirens could be heard over her screams and Bailey froze. Leaning in close, she whispered, "No one can touch you but me. You are mine forever." She pulled her hand out of Casey's pants and roughly planted a kiss on her lips.

Bailey climbed off the bed and straightened out her shirt before leaving the bedroom. When she heard the front door shut, Casey's eyes slipped closed as her sobs over came her body.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to everyone, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	4. Chapter 4

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Shout Outs: As always – my new favorite place on the web, Softball and Sex Crimes Forum. Stop by if you love Casey. Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks:)

Chapter 4

Casey heard footsteps outside her apartment just as her sobbing had been reduced to a constant stream of tears. Her body shook, going into shock. She heard knocking on her door then it being opened. Before she could say anything or cover herself up, her world went black.

The two officers stepped into Casey and Bailey's apartment, looking around for what could have concerned the neighbors to call 911. One turned on a light and looked around the kitchen and living room while his partner walked down the hallway.

Looking around the living room and seeing nothing out of the ordinary, the first officer called out, "Anyone home? It's the police."

"Dominic, in here!" called out the second officer.

Dominic walked down the hallway and found his partner checking the pulse of a woman spread out on the bed. He saw the streaks of mascara running down her face and noticed her pants were unzipped. The bruise on the left side of her face stretched from her temple to beyond her hair line. "Her pulse is jumpy. Call a bus - tell them we have an unconscious woman, possible sexual assault. Tell them SVU's been called."

"Stabler." Elliot Stabler juggled his keys, trying to get into his apartment, with the bag of drive-thru while answering his phone.

"Elliot, this is Officer Sean Paxton from –"

Elliot successfully opened his door, walked inside and kicked the door shut. "Sean! It's great to hear from ya." They had worked a case together a few months ago, but had known each other in passing for about two years. Placing his drive-thru bag on the kitchen counter, he heard Sean take a deep breath. "You have bad news."

"Yeah. My partner and I got a domestic disturbance call and it took me a minute, but," he paused, but before Elliot could coax him into continuing, said, "it's your ADA."

Elliot froze, dinner forgotten and keys clutched in his hand. "How is she?"

"I don't know. She's pretty beat up, unconscious when we arrived, but I don't know anything recent. She's at Mercy."

Elliot was already outside his apartment and heading to the street to grab a taxi. "Thanks." He hung up before allowing the younger man to respond, immediately pressing the number two on his speed dial. "Liv? You need to meet me at Mercy – Casey was attacked at her apartment."

Olivia walked down the hallway with purpose in her step. She looked as though she would shoot anyone who got in her way to seeing Casey. Maneuvering around nurses whose noses were buried in charts, she soon arrived outside of Casey's room where Elliot currently sat.

He looked up and locked his gaze with hers. "What the hell happened?" she said louder than she had expected.

"I don't know," Elliot responded, standing once he realized Olivia wouldn't be sitting down.

Olivia found it difficult to stand still. "Can we go in and see her? We have to get her statement. We need to get this guy."

"I know, Liv. The doctor shouldn't be much longer, then we can go talk to her." Olivia nodded, working on calming down her rapidly beating heart.

As if on cue, the door to Casey's room opened and a man wearing a white coat walked out with a chart in hand. He could sense the two people in the hallway before he saw them and looked up, asking with his eyes who they were. "I'm Detective Benson, this is Detective Stabler." She flashed her badge and the doctor nodded.

"You were called because of a possible sexual assault. We did run a rape kit, but no fluids were present. There is some bruising, but without Ms. Novak's statement, we can't say whether or not it was sexual assault."

"Is she conscious? How are the rest of her injuries?" Elliot asked.

"They will heal. Her wrist is sprained, but it should be fine. The bruise on her head will just leave a bump for a while. She's awake, but still a little shaken up."

"Will she be able to go home tonight?"

"We're going to keep her overnight for observation, but if everything looks fine, she should be able to leave first thing in the morning."

The two detectives let out sighs of relief before asking if they could go in to see her. Nodding, the doctor turned back to open the door, the two detectives itching to go in and see their friend and coworker. The first thing they noticed was the large bruise on the side of her face. Her wrist was wrapped and resting on her stomach. Eyes closed, Casey didn't even realize anyone was in the room again until the doctor told the detectives the nurses could page him if they needed anything.

Opening her eyes, she gave Elliot and Olivia a small smile, feeling slightly ridiculous for being in the hospital. She and Bailey just had a disagreement – this is an overreaction. Before she could say anything she was thinking, Olivia stepped up to her bed and took her hand into her own. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she answered, her voice slightly more raspy than it usually was. "What happened?" She did her best to sound confused, even though every second of that evening's events were burned into her memory.

"You don't remember anything after you got home from work? Anyone follow you up to your apartment?" Casey shook her head, fear evident in her eyes, but not for the reason Olivia suspected.

"Okay, it's okay. Has anyone called you or stopped you at the office that you didn't know?"

Casey furrowed her brow and shook her head slowly. "No one I can think of."

Olivia nodded. "What about when you got home from work – was there anyone in your apartment? Maybe someone in your bedroom? You have to remember something."

Elliot tensed slightly behind Olivia, but tried not to show it. Casey fell back on ignorance and just shook her head again. "I don't remember any of it, I'm sorry."

"Casey, please, think really hard. Any detail – a smell, skin color, a word…"

"Olivia, can I talk to you outside for a minute," Elliot asked, interrupting her line of questioning.

She turned to look at Elliot giving him a dirty look for disrupting her questions, but nodded anyway. She turned back to Casey, "I'll be back in a minute." The moment they exited the room and the door was shut behind them, Olivia looked up at her partner. "Elliot…"

"What the hell was that, Liv?"

Her look of confusion mirrored Casey's. "I was questioning a possible rape victim."

"If you questioned all victims that way, you would have been fired by now. You're not questioning a victim, you're questioning Casey. This is getting to you and I think you need to calm down before you make her shut down." He knew his words stung, but they had to be said. "I'm upset she was attacked, too, but why are you acting like this?"

Olivia faltered in her answer, finally responding with, "I just want to get this guy. This is the second time we… _I_… wasn't there to protect her."

"You can't blame yourself for what happened all those years ago and you can't blame yourself for this. You can't be with her 24/7 to protect her from the evils of the world." Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing her tears to stay behind her eyes. "I knew it."

Olivia's eyes shot open at the unprompted statement from Elliot. Eight years they had been partners and friends, there was very little they didn't know about the other. Elliot was the only person who knew about her brief relationship with Alex; the only person who knew about her sexuality in general. Their eyes locked and the fire that had been ignited in Elliot's eyes only minutes ago was gone, understanding left in its place. "Knew what?" Olivia challenged. He thinks he's so smart…

"That you're in love with Casey."

Olivia cursed his powers of perception. "Elliot, please…"

"Does she know?"

Olivia's eyes widened. "No. No, I don't want to mess anything up. Just let it drop, please."

"Maybe if you talked to her –"

"Elliot, let's just do our jobs, okay?" After a moment of pause, he nodded. They reentered the hospital room, Olivia giving Casey an apologetic smile and Elliot taking over the duty of talking to her.

Only a couple of hours later, Olivia and Elliot having left an hour or so earlier, Casey began to get restless. Her doctor and a nurse had been in her room as soon as her friends left to tell her that everything looked okay, but they wanted to keep her overnight for observation. She didn't put up much of a fight, but now she was itching to go home.

Laying on the bed, the over-head light dim enough not to hurt her eyes, she allowed her thoughts to overtake her while waiting for a nurse to come and check on her. The sound of the glass tumbler smashing against the wall was added to the collection of sounds acting as the soundtrack to her life. Casey replayed the evening in her head, aimlessly wondering how sticky the vodka from the drink would be on their wall. That and she needed to change the duvet cover – Bailey won't like sleeping under a vodka-stained comforter.

Her mind froze on the image on Bailey standing on their balcony, the moment before Casey made her presence known. She was gorgeous – unlike anyone Casey had ever seen before. The way she carried herself and the way clothing clung to her body made her even more desirable. Just the mundane acting of smoking a cigarette was sexier when she did it. Her red nail polish on perfectly manicured nails stood out against the tumbler she had held, the color matching her lips perfectly. Once she had turned around, her narrowed, accusing eyes were perfectly framed by her $200 haircut.

Moments before leaving to meet up with Olivia, Casey had told herself to call Bailey and let her know she'd be out of the office. She should have listened to her intuition, but she hadn't and she was punished for it. Bailey didn't know what she was doing – she had been drinking. Casey continued to rationalize what had happened when she heard the door to her room open.

A nurse appeared and smiled. "How are you doing, Casey?"

"I feel really great. I actually want to go home."

The nurse laughed as though it was a game. "We're going to keep you overnight, but first thing in the morning, you can leave."

Casey sat up. "No, I need to leave tonight. I know how this works. I can leave AMA."

"I really suggest listening to doctor's orders – we want to keep an eye on that head wound for a few more hours."

"But it's okay – I'll have someone at home with me." Casey wasn't sure if it was true or not, but it seemed to work. The nurse sighed in defeat and went to get the paperwork. When she returned, she held out the waiver form to Casey while beginning to explain what it was and what it meant. "I know," Casey interrupted her, "I'm a lawyer, I write these things." Pausing, the nurse simply continued on with her required speech as Casey signed her name before the woman could finish.

Cradling her sprained wrist against her chest, Casey arrived at the apartment she shared with Bailey. Once she was inside, she flipped on a light and put her keys on the counter before walking into the bedroom. Ignoring her subconscious attempting to shove her most recent memories of that room to the forefront, she surveyed the room. "CSU should really learn how to clean up," she muttered to herself.

Walking to one side of the bed, the ground sparkled with the broken glass and she could see the darkened, dried streaks of vodka against the white walls. Bending down, she carefully picked up the pieces of glass she could see and carried them to the kitchen trash can. Just as she had with the vase not too long ago, she grabbed the vacuum cleaner on her way back to their bedroom to sweep up the pieces too small to pickup by hand. She used one of the attachments to collect the glass that landed on the comforter. Luckily it didn't look like the vodka had stained the duvet – it looked like the liquid had either landed on the floor or trailed down the wall.

Turning off the vacuum and returning it to the closet, she heard someone putting a key into the lock on the front door. Standing and staring at the door, Casey didn't move when she saw Bailey walk in.

Bailey shut the door and when she turned around, she was shocked to see Casey standing there. "Oh, Baby!" she exclaimed in surprise. "I was so worried about you!" Casey didn't realize tears had begun to trail down her cheeks until Bailey walked over and embraced her. "I'm so sorry, mi amour," she said, her voice lined with sadness. "You know how I get when I drink…" she trailed off.

Casey used her uninjured arm to pull Bailey even closer. "I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I should have called you."

Bailey realized Casey was only clinging to her with one arm and pulled back to see Casey's wrapped wrist. "What happened?"

"Oh, it's just a sprain," Casey said, brushing it off.

Bailey leaned in and kissed her girlfriend. "I never meant to hurt you, you know that, right?" Casey nodded, wiping away the tears from her eyes. "Good. I bet you're exhausted. How about we lay down and I'll give you a massage before you fall asleep."

"I would love that," Casey smiled. They walked into their bedroom and undressed, all memories from the event mere hours ago erased along with the thrown-out glass shards. "I love you," she whispered, the two women exchanging a soft kiss before she laid down, relaxing from the ministrations of her girlfriend.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to lots of people, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	5. Chapter 5

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Sorry about the HUGE delay in posting this chapter… hopefully the rest of them won't be so long in coming lol I hope I'm keeping up with expectations – I'm slightly apprehensive after so long being away from fanfic… thank you so much to everyone who's stuck around with me!!

Shout Outs: Softball and Sex Crimes Forum has returned! Stop by if you love Casey (particularly Casey/Olivia pairing grin). Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks :)

Chapter 5

Casey sat in her office thumbing through the stack of papers on her desk. A half-eaten yogurt sat less than a foot away, the silver spoon catching the afternoon sunlight in its handle. A bottle of water, nearly finished, was placed next to the lamp that she used during her after-hours work. In the middle of signing her name, the ink suddenly stopped coming out of the pen. She shook it a bit and attempted to continue her work, but her pen would not work. Letting out a frustrated growl, she threw the pen down just as her door was opening.

Olivia knocked as she opened Casey's door, but stopped when she stuck her head in to see Casey throwing her pen down. "You okay, Case?"

"Yeah, fine. What's up?" She tried hard to keep the frustration out of her voice. She leaned back, but used the hand that had been wrapped for the sprain to grab her bottle of water.

"I was headin' back to the office and thought I'd stop by to say hi." This was the first time Olivia had stopped by without questions regarding Casey's hospital stay. Questions Casey had refused to answer. "You have plans tonight? We're all headin' over to the pub for drinks and dinner later if you want to come along?"

Casey smiled in spite of her sour mood and felt the "yes" on the tip of her tongue. For weeks she had gone from home to the office back home over and over. The only person she had really talked to was Bailey and she missed her friends. Suddenly her memory jogged and she remembered the night Bailey had confronted her about having lunch with Olivia.

The smile gone, she looked back up at Olivia shaking her head. "Sorry, I've got so much left to do on that Philips case." She saw the flash of disappointment cross her face and immediately wanted to rectify it. She added, "But if I can get enough done in these next three hours, I'll come join you guys." Olivia's smile made Casey feel okay about the lie.

"Sounds good. Get back to work, then." She laughed and waved as she stepped out of Casey's office, the door closing behind her.

Casey continued to stare at the door, a sudden flutter of butterflies in her stomach surprising her.

Bailey walked into Casey's office without causing the ADA to look up. She stood at the doorway for a moment watching her girlfriend work. Red hair fell in front of her face, but the quick movement of her pen made it obvious she didn't care.

"Vous êtes si beau," Bailey said softly.

Casey's head shot up and a soft smile appeared on her face. "What are you doing here?" Admiration laced her voice. "You always know when I need to see you."

Bailey stepped inside and sat in one of the chairs facing her desk. "Tough day?"

"Just a lot of work to do on this case."

"You'll get it done – you always do." Bailey was silent for a beat before continuing. "So… do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we can get some dinner?" It was the pause in Casey's answer that caught Bailey's attention. "You have plans already."

"No, no… The squad's going out tonight, but I said I was busy, so we -."

"That's silly – we should go."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I want to meet your squad." She leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs just as Casey's stomach dropped a few feet. "It'll be fun."

Casey and Bailey walked into the restaurant/bar and were immediately flagged down by Fin. Their table was in the middle of the room, all seats except two taken by Fin, Munch, Cragen, Elliot, and Olivia. The two women walked over and were met with a chorus of "hellos" and "how are yous" as they took their seats.

"Bailey, you've met Olivia and Elliot," nods from the detectives to Bailey acknowledged the fact, Elliot's eyes narrowing just slightly at his memory of this woman. "Don, Fin, Munch, this is Bailey Morgan." They greeted her and she smiled politely in return.

"How do you know each other?" Munch asked, always the one needing the details.

"We worked White Collar together back in the day," Bailey responded, seemingly at ease with her new surroundings. "Close friends."

Fearing Munch's expected questions, Casey took control of the conversation. "How's the case going?"

"It's going," Olivia responded. "Slowly, but we don't have much to go on right now anyway. Forensics should be back in the morning with something we can use."

"Good, good."

Cragen set down his glass of Pelegrigio and leaned forward. "While I'm always happy to hear my detectives are on top of things, let's try to keep work at work tonight. I'm sure Bailey doesn't want to hear the odds and ends of sex crimes."

Bailey laughed slightly. "It's not a big deal. I actually considered working for the DA to help all the departments, including SVU, but when the opportunity to open my own practice rolled around, I couldn't say no."

The waitress appeared out of nowhere with a notepad ready to take orders. Turning first to Casey and Bailey, she said, "Ladies, can I get you anything to drink?"

"Miller Light for me," Casey said.

"Appletini," Bailey requested.

Conversation picked up and covered a variety of topics. Elliot talked about his children, which led to Olivia telling a humorous story from when she was in high school. They teased her as she told the story, but even though everyone was laughing, Bailey's eyes were trained on Casey. She watched the way she responded to Olivia and the way she interacted with the squad as a whole.

The waitress returned to take their dinner orders and when Casey ordered a half-order grilled chicken salad, Bailey caught the look Olivia gave her – a cross between concern and wanting to ask questions. Five minutes later, Olivia's hand ended up on Casey's arm briefly during a story, but that turned up Bailey's radar.

It was after dinner that Bailey began to feel anger toward Olivia. The way Casey and Olivia interacted set jealousy straight through her heart. So focused on Olivia, Bailey didn't notice Elliot taking his own notes on Bailey. While the introductions that night had been quick, it was the first time Elliot had heard her name. Their one meeting was not under the best circumstances and it seemed that with the way Casey and Bailey were acting around each other, both blocking that evening from their memories.

Soon Olivia's laughter was making Bailey's blood boil and she quickly pushed away from the table. "Excuse me a moment," Bailey said softly. "Casey, I've never been here – can you show me to the bathroom?"

Giving her a slightly confused look, Casey nodded and stood up, barely doing so fast enough to walk away with Bailey. The conversation continued, but once Munch and Fin were focused on Cragen, Elliot caught Olivia's eye.

"What do you think of Bailey?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shrugged. "Sweet, smart… why?"

Elliot shook his head. "Something's not right with her. I think she and Casey are lovers." He kept his voice low enough as to not draw the attention of the other three at the table, but not make it seem like they were sharing a secret.

Olivia let out a short laugh. "What? Casey's not gay, Elliot."

"How do you know that? We all have secrets – maybe this is hers?"

Moving beyond her original question, she asked, "What makes you think they're together?"

"I saw them… in Casey's office after the trial. Bailey called her 'baby' and told her she was the only one who would love her. It… didn't end well."

In the bathroom, Casey stood by the sinks as Bailey walked over to the three stalls. She checked each one and when she realized no one was present, she turned back to Casey. "Are you _trying_ to embarrass me out there?"

Casey's eyebrows drew together. "I'm sorry?"

"Out there with your friends. I see the way you look at her. God! You are such a whore."

"Bailey… I wasn't – they don't even know that-."

"I know, but do you have to flirt with her so goddamn much? You might as well wear a button saying, 'I eat pussy'."

Casey was shocked by this most recent outburst. "Baby…"

"Don't. Look – go back to the table and tell them I'm not feeling well or something. We're going home."

Laughing out of nervousness and frustration, Casey didn't budge. "Come on… come back to the table and we'll just finish out our night."

Bailey lashed out and grabbed Casey's wrist. "I'm not joking around. I'm leaving… I suggest you come with me." Feeling her nails digging into her skin, Casey nodded, biting her lower lip until her girlfriend let go of her and walked out of the bathroom.

Casey walked back to the table, keeping her head down so they couldn't see the tears in her eyes. "Hey guys, I'm sorry – Bailey's not feeling well, so I'm going to take her home." Everyone expressed their disappointment, but Elliot immediately caught sight of a line of nail-shaped red marks around the wrist closest to him. She was gone before Elliot could signal Olivia to get a look.

Eight years as partners, Olivia could read Elliot's mind at a crime scene and at dinner. The look in his eyes told her there were questions to be asked. Nodding quickly, she stood, catching the attention of the other detectives. "Be right back – bathroom," she said quickly.

The bar was not large, but the crowd had doubled since they had all arrived. Olivia scanned the bar for Casey, hoping to catch her before she went home with Bailey. She had no idea what she was going to say or if she even expected to talk to Casey alone, but it was worth a shot. The image of Casey lying in that hospital bed flashed through her mind and caused her chest to tighten.

Pushing her way through groups of people, she reached the door and stepped outside. Not far down the sidewalk, she saw two women walking and knew it was them. Bailey was involved in an intense conversation, hands flying everywhere. Casey was not saying anything. Olivia started down the street and opened her mouth to speak when they stopped walking.

Olivia watched as they faced each other and Casey placed her hand on Bailey's cheek. Her mouth moved for a moment, then Bailey's. That's when Casey stood on her toes and met Bailey's mouth in a kiss. It wasn't overly passionate, but was more than chaste. When they turned to keep walking, arms around each other, Olivia stood dumbfounded and unsure of what to do. Not only was she bogged down with questions, but she also realized that tightening in her chest was a frightening combination of jealousy and concern.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to lots of people, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	6. Chapter 6

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: This chapter might look a little funny, but it's only b/c I'm having major computer problems and I'm posting this with WordPad. Hope it looks alright lol Also - We're gonna start getting into the C/Oness soon - just stick with me :)

Shout Outs: Softball and Sex Crimes Forum has returned! Stop by if you love Casey (particularly Casey/Olivia pairing grin). Special note goes out to ADANovakFan who has been instrumental to the development of this fanfic - She encouraged me to write it and a lot of the details were decided with her help – Thanks :)

Chapter 6

Elliot looked up from his desk to see Olivia looking pensively into the distance. She hadn't moved from that spot in almost two hours and her daydream was starting to worry him. He continued to stare at her, hoping his gaze would be noticed and she'd look directly at him, but no such luck. He began to tap his pencil, something he knew bothered her, but after his fingers became numb from the constant movement, he decided he'd have to be direct.

"Liv." She didn't budge, didn't even blink. "Let's go," he bluffed.

Surprisingly, that caught her attention. "Where?"

"Back to reality." She gave him a strange look and he leaned forward in his chair. "You've been spaced out for hours – what's up with you?"

"Nothing."

"Bull. Tell me what's up? What happened last night when you followed Casey?"

She shrugged and shifted her suddenly sore muscles. "Nothing happened."

"Did they see you?"

"No."

"Did you see them?"

"Yes. Stop interrogating me." She began clicking her mouse, turning her attention to her computer.

"What'd you see, Liv?" She rolled her eyes. "Did you see them fight?" She remained stone-faced. "Did they walk in separate directions?" Still nothing. "Did you see them kiss?" The blink was all he needed. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"For what?" she responded.

"I know what she means to you."

Olivia quickly glanced around the squad room. While Munch and Fin were on the street, the bullpen was far from empty. She surprised him by standing up and walking up the stairs to the crib. He sighed and followed, hoping she didn't lock the door.

Once he was inside with the door shut, Olivia swung around. "You saw them together before."

"Briefly and not like that."

"You said it didn't end well, but that doesn't tell me much. I don't know why I believed you, why I followed her." At this point, she was seconds away from pacing and Elliot knew when to keep quiet. "It all makes perfect sense now: why she never comes out with us anymore, why she left the same time Bailey did – she was seeing someone and she didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to me and tell me about it. They looked so cozy and in love…"

Elliot took in a deep breath. "I think Bailey's abusive."

Olivia's eyes shot up and Elliot could see the mist of tears she was fighting back. "Why would you say that?"

"Because last night I could swear I saw nail marks on Casey's wrist. And the one time I saw them together, Bailey slapped Casey and she didn't even react to it." Olivia was silent. "We've seen it before: abused woman unable to back down from her abuser after so long…"

Olivia's voice deepened. "We haven't seen this before – this is Casey. You saw her get hit and you didn't do anything about it."

"She didn't want to press charges."

Her voice cracked, "You didn't tell me."

"She made me promise not to. Liv, believe me – I wanted to tell you, but I figured she could handle it, that it had just been an argument between friends."

Her eyes narrowed. "So, what, you only arrest men who beat women? Turn a blind eye to the lesbian beating her partner?"

She felt his shock before the words had even registered in his mind. "Liv, listen to yourself. You know that's not true! I went against procedure because it's Casey, not because it was a lesbian. Don't try to make this my fault – at least I realized what was going on! You're so consumed with your own self loathing you couldn't see what was going on right under your nose." It was like he had slapped her across the face and the look in her eyes showed that. "Liv -."

"No, it's fine. You're right. I should have known what was happening to her, I should have asked her questions instead of giving her the space I thought she needed." She quickly swatted away the tear that had forced itself down her cheek. "I'm going to get the CSU evidence report from that attack in her apartment."

"But Casey got those reports sealed…"

"I don't care. I'll break into the file room if I have to… I need to know what happened that night… I need to know if -."

"No. You need to talk to her. You go rummaging through her files and she will never talk to you. She will see that as the greatest invasion."

Casey sat on the couch, a glass of wine in one hand and the stereo remote in the other. She pushed a few buttons without any change in music or volume and she frowned. "Baby, I have no idea how this works."

Bailey's throaty laugh carried through the apartment. "I'll be right there."

A few more minutes passed and Casey, unable to handle Top 40 any longer, got up from the couch and manually adjusted the station. She arrived at her favorite jazz station and smiled before returning to her seat. "Never mind, I fixed it," she said loud enough for Bailey to hear in the bedroom. "What are you doing in there?"

As if those were the magic words, Bailey walked into the living room clad only in a dark red thong and a matching bra. Casey's eyebrows shot up and she had trouble hiding the grin on her face. Bailey lifted the corner of her mouth in a smile before walking over to the stunned ADA. She straddled Casey before taking the glass of wine from her hand and taking a quick sip.

Bailey put the glass on the table next to their couch then proceeded to pull the edges of Casey's shirt out of her skirt. She kissed Casey's neck softly, and could feel Casey smile against her cheek. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

Bailey smiled, "But of course, mi amor." She kissed her passionately, feeling Casey's arms wrap around her, running her hands down her body. She pulled back. "I have something," kiss, "to ask you." Casey pulled back far enough to look into Bailey's eyes. "Go with me to Paris next week."

Casey's eyes widened. "Bailey, I have to work…"

"Don't worry about it." She kissed down her neck as she unbuttoned her shirt. "I told your boss you had to leave town in two days for a family thing. He said it was fine." She kissed down Casey's clavicle until she reached her bra then looked up at her stunned girlfriend.

Casey frowned slightly. "You shouldn't have done that. I have responsibilities, things I have to do for my cases."

"Baby, we've talked about this before. You know they'll be okay without you. I'm talking about Paris… just you and me."

"I'm touched, really. But you should have asked me first."

Bailey sat back, but didn't move to get off of Casey's lap. She stared at her for a few moments, processing the conversation that had just occurred. "I wanted it to be a surprise." She sighed and shook her head, "You are the most ungrateful woman I have ever met."

"Bailey- ."

She climbed off of her and walked into their bedroom. Casey got up and followed, her shirt still unbuttoned. When she entered their room, Bailey was tying a rope around her waist to keep her robe shut, modesty going hand-and-hand with anger. "I do everything for you. I love you, I take care of you, I am the only person you need in this world and when I want to take you on a trip, you refuse. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"I didn't refuse, I just said -."

"Don't give me your excuses. Get out."

Casey's face reflected shock and horror. "What?"

"Get the fuck out of my apartment! If you don't think you need me, I sure as hell don't want you… get out."

"Bailey… I love you. I'm sorry – let's go to Paris, like you said. I love -."

Bailey closed the gap between them in half a second, cutting Casey off. "If you don't leave right now, I will make you wish you had. Get. Out."

Casey didn't even realize she had begun to cry. She started to shake, but took in a deep breath before turning around and walking out of their room. Slipping her shoes on and buttoning up her shirt, she stood at the door for a moment, hoping Bailey would appear at her side, apologizing. When a few seconds had passed, Casey opened the door and walked out.

It was still early, so she decided to go some place to think and give Bailey time to come around. Casey knew her routine: Bailey would get into the shower, sit in their room for an hour, smoke a cigarette and everything would be fine. Her feet led her to the place they had all had dinner the previous night. She felt it slightly ironic and almost kept walking, but wanted to sit down and rest – she wasn't wearing the best walking shoes. The place was not quite as busy as when she had left last night, but there was a crowd. Lucky for her, she found a spot at the bar.

She ordered a scotch on the rocks and put her head in her hands. Her mind tried to determine where the night had gone wrong and she was left with the question "why?" She knew Bailey loved her, but she was so hard to judge sometimes. Her moods were all over the place. She took another sip of her drink when she heard a familiar voice a few feet down the bar.

Leaning against the bar, Olivia was watching the bartender riffle through a small box. There was a brief exchange which led to Olivia giving him her polite laugh as he returned to the box. After debating whether or not she should go over and say hi, Olivia turned her head and saw her.

She said something to the bartender then pushed away from the bar. "Case!" She walked over and smiled. "Hey, what're you doing here?"

Forcing herself to smile, Casey said, "I could ask you the same thing."

The bartender handed something to Olivia and she smiled sheepishly. "I usually don't start a tab, but I lost a bet and had to buy the boys drinks last night. I forgot and left it open – thought I should pick it up before I went home."

"You're leaving work kinda late."

Olivia shrugged. "Happens. Now, what're you doing here?"

Casey laughed. "Actually, funny story. I left my keys in my office and by the time I got to my apartment and realized it, the DA's office was locked up tight."

"Do you need a place to stay?"

She expected her to say she was staying with her girlfriend when she caught a quick flash of sadness cross her eyes. "I'm just going to grab a hotel, it's no biggie."

"Don't be silly – I have an air mattress you can sleep on."

"Oh, Liv, I couldn't -."

"You can and you will. That's what friends are for. Plus – you wouldn't have anything to sleep in or wear to work tomorrow. We're about the same size – we can find you something from my closet. Now hurry up with that drink."

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to lots of people, regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


	7. Chapter 7

But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Sorry about the HUGE delay in posting this chapter… I just keep losing my muse (she likes to play hide-and-go-seek). I am not entirely happy with this chapter, but I need to move the story along and I don't think it's going to get any better. I have pieces of the next chapter written so hopefully it'll be up soon. It's always a better chance with me on Winter break and finished with all my school work lol

Shameless plug: If you're a fan of Firefly/Serenity, check out my fic from that fandom… I usually don't peddle for reviews, but I was hoping to get at least one :-/ lol

Let me know what you think… please stick with me, it'll get less depressing later.

Chapter 7

Olivia opened her door and Casey walked in, taking in the modestly decorated apartment. "Sorry it's such a mess," Olivia said.

"Are you kidding? There's like two beer bottles sitting out – that's hardly a mess." Olivia laughed and gestured for Casey to walk further into the apartment. "Thanks for letting me stay here."

"It's no problem at all. Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?"

Casey smiled. "Sure. Do you have anything I could change into? My court clothing isn't the most comfortable thing…"

"Yeah, follow me." They walked into Olivia's bedroom where she immediately went to her dresser and started going through her drawers. "Sweats and a t-shirt okay?"

"Perfect, thanks."

Olivia put the clothing on her bed and closed the drawer. "I'm going to get some dinner started if you want to go ahead and change." Casey nodded and Olivia walked out of her room, closing the door behind her to give Casey some privacy.

Casey's eyes wandered around Olivia's room taking in all the knickknacks and studying the few pictures attached to her mirror. As she reached for the hem of her shirt, she heard her phone start to ring. She picked it up and her stomach bottomed out when she saw Bailey's name across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

Casey frowned, surprised by the anger in Bailey's voice. "I left, just like you asked."

"Jesus Christ, Casey – you need to get a backbone. I never wanted you to leave, you just made me mad is all."

"You yelled at me, you –."

"Whatever. Come home."

"Bailey -."

"I'll see you soon." Casey stared at the phone when Bailey hung up. She looked over at Olivia's clothing sitting on the bed and for a moment she thought about throwing her cell phone out the window, changing into Olivia's clothing, and sitting down to dinner. The indescribable pull Bailey had on her made her lose that vision and she put her cell phone back in her pocket and walked out the door.

"Olivia?"

"In the kitchen." Casey rounded the corner and saw a pot of water on the stove and Olivia making garlic bread.

"I hate to do this to you, but… someone called and they have my keys. I can go home."

"Oh." Olivia's eyes showed her disappointment as she put down the butter knife.

"I'm really sorry. You went to all this trouble and you offered me your apartment…"

"No, I understand." Casey looked sad and Olivia stepped out of the kitchen closer to her. "Are you okay?"

Casey faked a smile. "Yeah, fine. Thanks again. I should get going."

"Yeah, okay. Well… I'll see you at work."

Olivia stood in her living room, eyes unable to move as she watched Casey shut the door behind her. She replayed their exchange in her mind, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Casey seemed so upset and Olivia, for all her training as a detective, was clueless as to why. Determined to not let Casey walk out of her life like that, Olivia opened the door hoping the ADA hadn't gotten a cab yet.

Casey stepped out of Olivia's building, her breathing erratic from trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. She looked to the side and gasped seeing Bailey standing on the sidewalk. The woman stood with her arms crossed in front of her, lacking the apologetic look that normally followed their fights.

Completing the walk down Olivia's steps, Casey walked toward Bailey. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you'd be at home."

Bailey didn't move. "I knew you'd be here," she said softly, anger lacing her voice. "We have a disagreement and you rush to your mistress?"

"Bailey… Olivia is not my mistress." Casey was attempting calm, but Bailey's comment was unraveling her act quickly. "And it wasn't a disagreement: you kicked me out. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait for me! You knew I wasn't serious!" Bailey sighed in frustration. "Let's go, Casey. You've embarrassed me enough today." When Casey didn't immediately move to follow her, the older woman grabbed Casey's arm, causing her to cry out in surprise and pain.

That was the moment Olivia stepped out onto her steps. "Casey?" she called out. Having heard Casey yelp, she looked around and quickly found the two women a few steps from her front door. "Hey!" She hurried down the steps, curing the fact that she didn't have her gun.

Seeing Olivia walking toward them, Bailey smiled wickedly. "Your knight in shinning armor is here," she said only loud enough for Casey to hear.

"What's going on here?" Olivia demanded. She wanted to stare down the woman with Casey's arm in her hand, but her eyes immediately went to Casey looking for answers of a different sort. When she recognized Bailey, her eye brows furrowed. "Bailey? What the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm taking my girlfriend home, detective," Bailey responded. She threw the word out casually, but Olivia and Casey both heard it; Casey had effectively been outted. Bailey feigned surprise and guilt. She turned to Olivia's surprised face. "Oh, I'm sorry! She didn't tell you?"

"Casey…" Olivia said softly.

Emotions running wild, Casey's eyes filled with tears, terrified of Olivia's reaction and feeling betrayed by Bailey. "Please, Olivia," Casey started, her voice cracking. "Just go back inside."

"Well, there you go," Bailey said. "We'll just be going then."

Olivia's eyes didn't leave Casey's. "If you need… I mean, if there's anything…"

Bailey rolled her eyes and pulled on Casey's arm, breaking the look Casey and Olivia were sharing. Olivia's brain told her to follow, told her Casey wasn't safe, but her heart was desperately trying to connect the dots.

&&&&&

Casey walked into the apartment she shared with Bailey, her eyes scanning the apartment. Something didn't sit right with her. The apartment lacked a warmth that filled Olivia's home. She began to realize that the hour she spent at her friend's apartment was more fulfilling than all the time spent living with Bailey.

Watching Bailey slip out of her shoes and walk over to the bottles of liquor sent a chill up her spine. She noticed a glass was already sitting out and wondered how many drinks she had before making her appearance at Olivia's.

Bailey sipped at her vodka drink and looked at Casey with lifted eye brows. "Are you going to come in or just stand in front of the door all night?" Her voice had changed and she was the carefree woman Casey had fallen in love with all those years ago. Casey took two stepped further into the apartment but didn't say anything. She suddenly felt like a stranger in her own home, but every inch of the apartment was familiar.

Casey stood where Bailey had thrown and smashed a vase against the wall not too long ago. A few feet to her left, in the kitchen, Bailey had gone on a rampage through the cupboards and fridge. She was convinced Casey was fat and got rid of everything with more than 100 calories and got rid of all the beverages except their water pitcher and the alcohol. At the table, Bailey had thrown a stack of papers and files off the table when she felt Casey didn't spend enough time with her.

The living room was the setting for their most recent fight. A night of promised passion turned into a fight sending Casey out. The doorway of the hallway leading to their bedroom was where Bailey slapped Casey for the first time. She had no idea what their fight had been about.

Her mind turned to their bedroom where they had shared uncountable intimate nights together. That is, except the night after Casey had eaten lunch with Olivia when Bailey had –

Casey's mind refused to continue along that line of thought, determined not to acknowledge what had happened.

Bailey drained her glass and smiled over at Casey while pouring herself a refill. Casey plastered a smile on her face, attempting to stop her eyes from her scanning of the apartment. The silence that filled the room allowed Casey to hear the light rain pelt the windows of the living room. It was rhythmic and she became so lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice Bailey had crossed the room to her.

Casey jumped when she felt Bailey's hand on her face. The older woman let out a soft laugh. "I'm so glad you're home." She leaned in and gave Casey a quick kiss. "Why don't we head into the bedroom and…" She raised her eyebrows to punctuate what she was trying to say.

After a moment's pause, Casey smiled. "Right behind you," she said softly.

Bailey laced her fingers through Casey's, leading her down the short hallway to their bedroom. Once they entered the room, Bailey took her hand from Casey's and placed it on the ADA's back. Her other hand held onto the tumbler still filled with vodka.

Like a dance Casey had performed a million times before, she responded to the kiss Bailey placed on her lips. Bailey pulled back slightly, her lips next to Casey's ear. "No one will ever love you like I do." She pressed her body into Casey's enough to urge the woman to walk backwards toward the bed. Casey found the edge next to the bedside table and sat down, Bailey's body quickly straddling her lap. Hands began to roam and Bailey reached over and placed her glass onto the small table next to the lamp exuding soft light.

Bailey pushed Casey back and gave her room to scoot her body up onto the bed. Balancing herself on one hand, Bailey slipped her right hand under Casey's shirt and began kissing her again. Not wasting any time, Bailey began to unbutton Casey's pants and snaked her fingers under her underwear. Casey's body arched at the contact and as she lifted her leg to wrap it around Bailey's body, her foot knocked into the bedside table. Bailey's glass fell off the table and shattered on the ground.

The feel of Bailey's fingers on her center in conjunction with the smashed glass caused her muscles to clench and she froze. She flashed back to the night her arm got sprained. It came back with horrific clarity and realization hit her like a tone of bricks.

"Stop," Casey said, attempting to regain control. Bailey continued what she was doing, Casey's voice disappearing into nothing. "Stop!" Casey began to fight the weight of Bailey's body.

Bailey looked up and grabbed Casey's wrists before they could do any damage to her. "Casey, what's wrong?"

Casey was in complete panic mode and she began to hyperventilate. "Stop!" she gasped out. "Stop! I can't –."

Bailey pinned Casey's wrists to the bed. "You love it…" she said with a kiss to Casey's neck.

"No!" Casey put all her weight into her arms and shoved against Bailey's grip. This sent the unsuspecting woman to the floor of the bedroom. Casey curled up on the bed trying to get her breathing back to normal and get away from Bailey.

Bailey stood up from the floor smoothing out her hair. "I don't know what is wrong with you, but I am so tired of having to deal with your drama." Casey continued to shake, but slowly sat up to meet Bailey's gaze. "You are a piece of shit, Casey Novak. I don't know why I ever wasted any time on you." She spun on her heels and walked into their bathroom. Less than a minute later, the sound of the shower running filled the apartment.

A few minutes passed before Casey realized where she was and what had happened. She looked around, suddenly in a hurried panic to be anywhere be in that bedroom. It only took a fraction of a second before she picked up the phone and dialed the number she had memorized.

"Benson."

"Olivia?" Casey cursed her voice for shaking like it did.

"Casey, what's wrong?"

"Can you pick me up?" She knew she had at least forty minutes before Bailey would walk out of the bathroom.

"Of course. What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Just… just hurry." She didn't want to answer any more questions and hung up the phone.

Casey stood up from the bed and surveyed the room. She buttoned her pants and walked over to the closet. Moving quickly, she pulled out a suitcase and began to fill it.

Olivia pulled up in front of Casey's building thirty minutes later, jumping out of the car and running up the stairs through the falling rain. Casey buzzed her into the building and she took the stairs two at a time to Casey's apartment. She didn't even have to knock before Casey opened the door.

Olivia's eyes were wide with panic as she quickly looked Casey up and down. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Casey gave her a small smile. "I'll tell you later, I just need to go."

Not liking the answer, but accepting it, Olivia nodded and followed Casey back into the apartment. She heard the shower running and quickly surveyed the living room. "Is Bailey here?" Casey nodded as she disappeared into the bedroom. She was gone for longer than a few minutes and Olivia decided to walk down the hallway. Casey was shutting a suitcase when she walked in, but something caught the corner of her eye. She looked over and saw the broken glass next to the bed. "Casey… what happened here?"

"Please, can we not do this?"

Olivia watched Casey move with slow and sad movements. "I want to know what happened. I want to help. Did Bailey do something to you?" It was the fact that she didn't answer that made Olivia's chest tighten. Why had she let Bailey and Casey walk away from her apartment? "You know I can help you. Just tell me what happened."

Casey turned from the suitcase and her eyes latched on to Olivia's. After a silent moment of reassuring comfort, Casey took a deep breath. "She raped me," she whispered.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to people regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA


End file.
